Islamic Jokes
From WikiIslam
A man walks into a sex shop in Jerusalem looking for a sex doll.
Clerk: So what kind do you want? Jewish, Christian or Muslim?
Man confused: What's the difference?
Clerk: The Muslim one blows itself up.
Two Hamas fathers; one has his wallet out showing pictures to the other man: "Here is Mohammed, Abdulla, Yasser... "
Second man: "Yes they blow up so fast don't they?"
An Imam was feeling bored one Friday and decided to take the day off away from the Masjid. He told the assistant Imam he wasn't feeling well and drove off. He stopped at a golf course about forty miles away so that no one would know him.
Up in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to another, "He can just get away with that! This is wrong - Jummah is mandatory for him and he is an example for so many believers!" The other angel agreed but decided to wait to see how Allah would take care of him.
The Imam teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.
The angels looked at each other in great surprise. One said, "Why did He do that??" The other realized the wisdom behind it and smiled...
"Who's he going to tell?"
Q: Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek?
A: Because it's set in the future.
Ayesha comes to Khadija Bibi,and confides with her "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Mohammed came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates."
"Bastard!" cried Khadija Bibi, "For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."
The Imam calls in his two wives, Fatima and Ameena and their goat Farook. He looks at them with a tear in his eye and says to them that it was not Allah's will that a man should have more that two wives.
"Oh right then," Fatima replied, "I'll pack my things. I guess Ameena can feed Farook."
There was an archaelogist in Mecca who was also a ventriloquist. He was sitting in front of a mosque one day and noticed a prominent Wahabi Imam walking past him followed by a horse, a camel and a young boy.
The ventriloquist decides to have some fun at the Imam's expense and asks him politely if he may speak to his horse. To which the Imam replies, "the horse cannot speak, unless Allah wills it."
The Ventriloquist pops off a few questions to the horse and it seems to answer. The Imam is thunderstruck, and mutters, "Allah hu Akbar!"
The ventriloquist does the same with the camel; ditto the Imam.
The ventriloquist asks if he may speak to the young boy and the Imam screams, "Boy Lie!"
Q: Why do they call camels the ships of the desert?
A: Because they are full of Arab seamen.
An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water.
But, then came the time when he returned empty-handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "An infidel is sitting on the well."
Man and his son walking past the World Trade Centre site in 2015. His son asks "Dad, why is this place empty in the middle of all these buildings?" His dad replies "Well, son, 14 years ago, Muslims crashed into the Twin Towers, destroying them, and the ground has been left vacant as a sign of respect for those who died."
Son - "Dad. What's a Muslim?"
boom boom
Ayatollah Khomeini dies and goes to heaven. The yamadoot asks him where he wants to go. The Ayatollah expresses a desire to meet Mohammed.
The yamadoot tells him to go to a certain hall. It is lunchtime. He goes there. Inside, he finds Zooraster, eating a fine Parsee meal. Zooraster says, "Have some Dhansak. The cook has excelled himself today." The Ayatollah declines, and asks him where he may find Mohammed.
Zooraster tells him to go through the fifth door.
He does that. He finds himself in a long corridor. He crosses it, and comes across another lavish hall, decorated inside like a tent. He finds that inside is Moses, having Jewish delicacies. Moses invites him to have some. Again the Ayatollah declines, and again asks for Mohammed. He is told to go through the tenth door.
He does that. Goes down another corridor. Finally, he finds himself in a third hall, decorated like the Vatican. Inside he finds Jesus. Jesus says, "Want some bread or wine? I've got an infinite supply! Best bread and wine you'll ever taste!" The Ayatollah declines again, and asks him where Mohammed may be. By now, he is famished and tired. Jesus tells him that he'll get Mohammed soon enough, but in the interim, does he want some tea? The Ayatollah, being famished and tired, accepts. So Jesus says, "Hey, Mohammed! Fetch a cup of tea! And boy, make it snappy! We've got guests!"
